polyamory

Personally, I loathe feeling vulnerable, which often happens when I have to do something difficult in a relationship. Like I did this week: I had to tell a lover I’d been seeing for a couple of months — who I like very much, enjoy spending time with, and have come to consider a good friend — that we needed to stop dating.

Vulnerability can look like this. I don’t always see it that way.

polycule:

My suggestion is not a simple answer. Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix for insecurities of this kind. And it’s okay to feel this way. Don’t feel inadequate or bad at polyamory or a bad lover for having these feelings. They are hard to unlearn, and they take time. Give yourself the space and time to work through these feelings without shame or guilt.

My name is Zoe Hanis and this is the story of how I discovered that I am not a club swinger. After a nice play session, Jay and I went downstairs to find sustenance. There were far more people in the swing club now and Jay commented that he wondered how many of them had peeked in on us as we had heard numerous tours going on as we played. We gathered food and drink and found a table in a corner where we could people watch as we ate. Jay said the club was not as busy as usual. [...]

It has always been my view that when you decide to pursue a new relationship, you should be in as stable, and clean a position as possible. This applies to both monogamy and non-monogamy. With the former, if you’re still shattered and depressed from a break-up, chances are you’re not bringing your best self to the table. With the latter, if your other relationships are in a bit of a state, it might not be the best idea to bring someone new into it. Of course, there are exceptions, and sometimes we make connections we feel we need to pursue, [...]