Blerf.
That’s all the brain signals want my fingers to type. Blerf.
Blerf does not make for a good blog entry, but it totally sums up how I’m feeling just days before my birthday. My Blerf-Day.
Going from 40 to IN MY 40s isn’t phasing me. What’s phasing me is that I’m too busy to plan or even enjoy my special day. I need to be the mama to tell the drama to SHHHHH. You best be hushin’, drama. Gimme one day that’s mine.
Allow me to address a major source of sad that I want to bury then move on.
When I had the official Hollywood TV development deals going, I had no say. While I was a good enough producer to get a deal for a TV show, I wasn’t experienced in producing an HBO level of a show. A team was formed to work the deal for me. That team made all the decisions. You may be like- BUT IT’S MY SHOW! MY IMAGE! IT’S ABOUT MY LIFE! That’s how the game works when you are an unknown with NO track record in Hollywood. I let the team do what they do best. They let me do what I could do best in that world. I came into the room. I dazzled. I got the interest. Sadly, the networks wanted more shock than I had. I wasn’t shocking yet. The networks passed.
I have had a rough time transitioning to producing local theatrical projects. Admittedly, my experience as a producer (pre-Hollywood) has been as head producer with a paid staff. It’s a different game and I went into local theater with the professional TV mindset. Bad idea.
I am the kind of producer who is used to and does best at focusing on my tasks. Derail me with drama that isn’t part of my duties and I’m thrown off. I saw these teams in Hollywood , hell I was part of my own team, where you had one producer who kicked ass at getting stuff done but was lousy at dealing with ruffled feathers and drama. He was allowed to get out there and focus on the creative side. His co-producer was one who handled drama with ease. She handled the ego, the disputes, and was a great go-between so her partner didn’t have to stop his groove and deal with crap that got him down. Now that’s a great team. They allowed one another to do what they do best. In that scenario, I’m the dude who can’t handle the drama. I’m the creative go getter and that’s my strength. My weakness is dealing with the politics that interrupt the show’s process.
I’m such a creative wackadoodle that when politics overshadow the project, I can’t handle it or myself. I go fetal in the corner. THAT is my weakness as a producer. I need to work with a team where I am allowed to focus on my strengths while they handle the bullshit politics.
Rarely did I encounter a producer who was good at ALL aspects of running a show. Those good with contracts and money were bad with people. Some didn’t realize they were bad with people… Those good with people were bad with the contracts. You are truly blessed if you find a team that works perfectly together for the greater good of the show. There are no stars in producing. The show is the star.
When it became evident I wasn’t a good fit for the local theatrical project, I opted to resign from the project. It may seem to outsiders I made the wrong move, but I have learned when you should walk away in order to save yourself as well.
This was not an easy decision. I’ll admit I shed some tears.Someone will probably jump in and take over and yeah, it will be hard on me, but I have to live with my decision.
Out of my darkness comes amazing creativity. I have an idea for a new local show project. I need to go into development mode. Figure out logistics. See how it would play out. I also need to start focusing on my new TV project. Wow do I have a new doozie of a show concept. I kind of miss L.A. and that whole game. I’m good at that game. I want back in again.
Lessons. Learned. Even if they hurt. Even if they showed where I am weak. From that I can become strong. Proof that you never stop learning, even IN YOUR 40s!!
Tags: advice Author Name: Charlotte
