Big cat says "Me-ow"
I wasted a lot of energy in 2011 on other people. Any of it that wasn’t going to my job went to other people, with a teensy tiny bit of leftovers coming to me. (And of course, I always have a permanent chunk for my lovely husband. That doesn’t change.) I lay myself bare to be attacked last year, removing my heart from my chest and serving it on a platter for other people to nom on. Along the way I completely forgot what it was that mattered to me. I pursued others because I thought that’s what I needed or they wanted but I really had no idea what I was doing.
I realize now that all of that time spent pursuing was an absolute waste. The only benefit of it has come in the self-awareness I have gained, knowing that I don’t want to ever feel like I did last year.
So while it has arrived at the beginning of the year, this isn’t a resolution. It’s more of an awakening. Or a slap over the head if that’s a more eye opening way of looking at it.
2012 is not going to be about pursuing others while hurting myself. This year (and life moving forward) will be about making time for people that are good to me. I will put effort into seeing friends and lovers who offer my life richness, excitement and affection. And I will allow myself to be pursue like I totally deserve, because I. Am. Awesome.
At the moment I have a pretty, sexy lady who is offering me plenty of attention, and it’s lovely. I’ve also thought to myself about putting a bit more effort into dating some friends I have crushes on, but I’m going to leave those possibilities in their courts.
The hunter is FINALLY going to allow herself to become the hunted and that sounds like perfect evolution to me.
Tags: polyamory dating open relationships Author Name: samantha