In a triad, its understood that the relationship between any variation of three can be whatever we shape it to be. It can be enthralling and captivating – to be blunt, it can make me feel like a king. In this type of loving relationship there is also compersion – defined as a non-sexual state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. That happens when any member of your polyamorous circle has feelings of joy at seeing any other members of the poly circle being together. This is a beautiful thing. The only thing is the arch enemy of compersion – jealousy – is waiting in the wings to destroy everything.
Polyamory is a wonderful concept. The idea that love is boundless and is only limited by time and resources. What happens when that time and those resources become stretched thin? Worse, what if the time and resources for two don't coincide with the time and resources for one? What then? An unbalanced poly circle – be it triad, quad or more – is a recipe for disaster. Communication in a poly circle is the most important ingredient in combating this disaster. All the members need to find an avenue that works for them – more importantly though, they all need to be in agreement as to a a set of rules, or guidelines that works for them. A sort of “Poly Play Book” to guide the circle through the hard times. Unfortunately, life, children and love do not come with a user's manual – neither does polyamory. There is baggage in any relationship. In fact, it could be argued that baggage is what causes a lot of problems for relationships. Applying the well known saying “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” allows us to postulate that in a poly circle, the more people there are the more damaging the baggage can be. This isn't meant as an absolute of course – as there are many variables. For example, the amount of baggage each person brings into the fray is going to vary. In addition to that, the coping skills and the way each person “carries” their baggage is as important as the baggage they bring.
Life in a triad puts you face to face with the ugly reality of jealousy and possession and all manner of other demons that are easily dismissed or dealt with in less healthy ways in a monogamous relationship. I am in love with B. I am in love with C. B is in love with C. Our feelings are returned. In any loving relationship, sex enters the equation, because evolution, in its infinite majesty, deigned to link the reproductive process to an emotional response. How different our world would be if it were linked to something less powerful – perhaps returning someone's phone call? In any event, its easy acknowledge that polyamory would be easier if there were a user's guide or manual. The real work is getting your hands dirty and being brave enough to bring your bags to the table and start unpacking them. Having a circle that helps with the unpacking is what makes it worthwhile.
Categories: Submissions Tags: poly, polyamory, triad, polyamoury, Compersion, Jealousy, Poly Circle, Quad