I write. Sometimes polyamory finds it's way into whatever I'm working, be it a space station in the middle of nowhere or fantasy-style woods populated by malicious elves. Those novels sit gathering dust because I feel no one would want to read them. Nothing interesting there, just the usual. No vampires, nothing spectacular. Ordinary.
I have operated under the idea that nothing I do is out of the ordinary. After all, lots of women get up on a weekend and kiss their sweeties goodbye before getting ready for work then hug on their SO's SO and her SO while hugging every kid on the way out the door. Lots come home to doing the whole thing in reverse, ending with curling between two of the best guys in the world and giggling themselves to sleep. Right?
Right.
I've found that I keep to myself. I don't tell people about my family, even if they're hanging on me. After some thought I wonder if it's because I see myself as just like every other polyamorous person in the world. Nothing unusual here, move along. In hindsight, I wonder how many times I let the opportunity to enlighten, educate or even entertain someone pass me by? Why not speak up, often and with pride about who I am and who loves me?
Let's dissect me as an example. After all, I'm talking about exposing yourself so I may as well step up to the plate, eh? I am a 36 year old mom with two teenage boys from another marriage and a five year old daughter. I have a husband of thirteen years and we have a wonderful, sweet as hell boyfriend who's been in our lives for over a year. I live with my husband, B, and our boyfriend, J, lives in Alabama. B has a girlfriend, C, who has a husband, a boyfriend and a teenage daughter. B and I have a close relationship with someone who we adore. We consider ourselves a family.
Confused yet?
Not everyone sees the world in the same way, our bias and previous experiences color our interactions. To say that our lives are less important than someone else's is not fair to anyone. What one would consider exciting could be every day experience in another house. In my house, there are random bouts of rough housing with the occasional pillow fight. I've a five year old who's favorite band is the Beatles and knows all the words to "Across the Universe". My sons have a plan in case of zombie apocalypse. C makes the best french toast around and cooks enough food to feed a football team. Sound like your family? Maybe, maybe not. But why not give me a chance to find out?
Maybe the answer to acceptance isn't so much educating as it is just standing up as a group and letting them see us for who we are. Our families won't seem as unusual if a herd of us go "Holy HECK, have you any CLUE what my kitchen looks like after dinner?" then start discussing how in the world you keep such a household organized. I can tell how mine works but will also add that I am not the expert on any of this. My theory is when you start talking about people, emotions and sex, you might as well toss every book you have on the subject out the window. It's kinda like a cookbook: you follow the basic formula and tweak it to fit your needs. Someone times you just need someone to describe it to you, give you their experiences and then let you try it yourself. Unless you get your hands dirty, get in there and try some of your ideas you are just treading water.
Books, articles and message boards are wonderful but a poor substitute for talking to people. A monitor can't hug you when you cry, can't see that you don't understand and certainly can't laugh with you. I admit to never having cracked a book on polyamory and skimmed articles on various topics but the best sources of information I can cite come from other human beings who stood in front of me and shared themselves as well as my own experiences. How do you deal with jealousy? I couldn't tell you how to do it but I can tell you I just sit and listen until my partner is talked out, then love on them and assure them that we will work on it together.
How many works of art, plays, songs and writings with a polyamory theme go unfinished or ,even worse, never make it past the idea stage? How many of us think that we are so normal, too much so to be even interesting? This deprives the world of us and our world view. Sometimes your world is better defined by looking at it through the lens of another's life. Maybe you can't relate to someone's situation but you can hurt along with them because as a human being, you've hurt too. By knowing someone out there has felt the same way makes it slightly easier to deal. After all, you're not alone.
What's the point to all this? We need to start talking to anyone who will listen. Share yourself, share your stories. You are no more or less than anyone else. Inspiration, answers to questions come from unexpected sources. Who are you to say that you are not someone else's muse? A sweetie tells me constantly that she enjoys my writing because I make her think. No matter what it is, no matter if I think it's utter crap she finds some thought to chew on until the next time I bang out a short story. I can't count the number of times I have considered deleting whatever I'm working on, this included.
So speak up, people. I want to hear about you and your life. I'm sure I'm not alone.