As I write this I am sitting on the floor of my bedroom and smelling like bleach. I’ve just finished a cleaning rampage of my apartment. The bathroom is finally disinfected and I can see my bedroom floor!
Starting about a month ago, my schoolwork piled on. For about 36 hours straight I researched and wrote a midterm paper, only stopping to sleep, eat, and attend class. I turned it in, breathed a sigh of relief, and promptly put my nose back to the grindstone to prepare for four tests and a quiz before spring break. Today I finally reached a manageable point in my workload- finally, some breathing room! So I washed my clothes, cleared the floor of clutter, disinfected the bathroom and washed all the dishes in the sink. And then I looked at the calendar, realized I hadn’t written an article in over a month, and sat down to write. The busyness is never ending.
Which brings me to a very important point: although I may feel that my heart is a bottomless reservoir of love, I simply don’t have enough time for all the relationships I want to pursue. Here is where time management comes in. Someone very wise once told me that one cannot be everywhere at once, so you can’t do everything you want to do. It is essential to be able to work efficiently if you want to maximize the amount of activities and people you pursue.
In the beginning of the semester I had a little more time, and my love life experienced some major changes. My boyfriends of almost two years and I broke up. One decided to leave the country, so we said “goodbye for now.” Things ended on rockier ground with the other. I felt very light and free to be completely single for the first time in almost two years. I enjoyed my time to myself, doing projects, sleeping and traveling alone. My single life didn’t last very long- I met and started dating two more people. One of those connections grew intense quickly. Before I knew it I was bogged down in schoolwork, spending my minimal free time with my lovers.
I’ve been studying for an economics test, so I’ve got it running around in my head. Economic theory is based on the assumption that all people are rational, and make decisions in their best interests. I don’t always feel rational. Rational people make tradeoffs that are in their own best interests. A tradeoff is the decision between one option and the next best option. In my case, the choice is usually between extra study time and quality time with my lovers. When my marginal returns from studying (extra benefit gained from one extra unit of studying) go to zero, I stop what I’m doing and start the next best activity. This usually happens a few hours after dinner, so I send out a plea in the form of a text: “I’m stressed= need sex!” In this context, I don’t always feel rational; often I feel like I’m working too hard and not relaxing enough.
But, when I do sit back and survey my life, I know that I’m right where I want to be. I enjoy all my studies and my lovers, and although I would love a bit more of a balance (and warmer weather to run in), I’m happy.
Today I’m proud of myself for getting my work done. I’m going to finish up here, go rock climbing, out to dinner, and then to bed. Tomorrow I’ll be studying economics, development theory, and excel programming, and I’ll be writing essays for summer internship applications. Maybe I’ll be able to find a better balance when I return from spring break.