Hey Annie:
I have recently entered a relationship with a poly guy, my first. My guy is married and I have met his wife as is their rule. He is very committed to her, I have known that from the beginning, and he lives with her, obviously. I live alone. We see each other a couple of times a week and either talk or email every day. We probably spend around about 10 hours a week awake together. He sleeps at my house 1 time a week, on my weekend night. During the week if we see each other he sleeps at home. On occasion I go to his house to have dinner or to hang out with them both for what he calls an “extra” night. This is always at his request, I don’t ask for time with him at home. I’m not very needy and I’m open to seeing what happens and just taking it all in right now. I know his wife has at least one man she also dates because my boyfriend mentioned it to me once when we were talking about scheduling.
The thing that is hard for me is about my boyfriend’s wife.
She seems to be fine with me being in his life, but doesn’t seem to like me very much and doesn’t display the basic behaviors I am used to as a guest. She doesn’t ever ask me if I need something to drink, offer me a seat, or when she gets up to serve herself, or him, ask me if I need something too. She never asks me how I am or even talks to me much. It’s like she basically wants to pretend I’m not there. She’s not openly rude to me, she just isn’t very friendly. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel that I am intruding on her in her space and I find I don’t want to go over there. Is it right, or fair, or proper, in a poly relationship to just say to him I don’t want to go over there any more? I’m just not comfortable over there. I would rather have him come to my house or go out somewhere with him, or not have an “extra night.” Actually, I don’t want to assume I know how she feels about me, but I know I don’t like the way she treats me. I don’t know if I like her or not, because she never looks at me or talks to me so I don’t really know her. What do you think?
I’m With Him & (Not) With Her.... Read more »
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