Hey Annie:
 
I have recently entered a relationship with a poly guy, my first. My guy is married and I have met his wife as is their rule. He is very committed to her, I have known that from the beginning, and he lives with her, obviously. I live alone. We see each other a couple of times a week and either talk or email every day. We probably spend around about 10 hours a week awake together. He sleeps at my house 1 time a week, on my weekend night. During the week if we see each other he sleeps at home. On occasion I go to his house to have dinner or to hang out with them both for what he calls an “extra” night. This is always at his request, I don’t ask for time with him at home. I’m not very needy and I’m open to seeing what happens and just taking it all in right now. I know his wife has at least one man she also dates because my boyfriend mentioned it to me once when we were talking about scheduling.
 
The thing that is hard for me is about my boyfriend’s wife.
 
She seems to be fine with me being in his life, but doesn’t seem to like me very much and doesn’t display the basic behaviors I am used to as a guest. She doesn’t ever ask me if I need something to drink, offer me a seat, or when she gets up to serve herself, or him, ask me if I need something too. She never asks me how I am or even talks to me much. It’s like she basically wants to pretend I’m not there. She’s not openly rude to me, she just isn’t very friendly. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel that I am intruding on her in her space and I find I don’t want to go over there. Is it right, or fair, or proper, in a poly relationship to just say to him I don’t want to go over there any more? I’m just not comfortable over there. I would rather have him come to my house or go out somewhere with him, or not have an “extra night.” Actually, I don’t want to assume I know how she feels about me, but I know I don’t like the way she treats me. I don’t know if I like her or not, because she never looks at me or talks to me so I don’t really know her. What do you think?
 
I’m With Him & (Not) With Her.... Read more »

 Hey Annie:
 
I am poly and am in a committed loving relationship with one person. We are both dating others and I am having a problem that embarrasses and confuses me. 
 
I make a lot more money than my boyfriend. In mono relationships I’ve always believed that when you live with someone it’s share and share alike and I mostly feel that way now too. I run into problems when my boyfriend is dating others and taking them out to dinner and drinks and clubs and I’m paying for it. I’ve thought about this every way to Sunday and I can’t come up with a solution. If I stop helping to support my boyfriend his quality of life will suffer in ways that go beyond dating. If we separate our money and he pays what he can toward the house but continues to date, then he still realistically has less to pay toward the household if he’s spending money on dating. Telling him he can’t pay when he dates feels like putting a leash on him and I hate the idea of that. I fear it will put him in embarrassing social situations and cause resentment and distance. I don’t want to keep him from dating, but I do struggle with the idea of paying for it. I feel like I’m running in circles in my head. 
 
I enjoy dating and I want him to have that joy as well. I enjoy living fairly well, though I’m certainly not wealthy, and I want to share that with him. I enjoy having a sense of financial security and that’s where I start going in circles. If I had enough money to never worry this would not be an issue for me, but I don’t. I am supporting him in doing work that he loves, and is very good at, that could someday be very lucrative but right now isn’t. My worst nightmare is that I pay for years when he’s struggling and then when he makes it he leaves me for someone younger and I’ve spent my money supporting him, get nothing back and am left old and alone and with less money than I would have had to support myself, and no one to help me. He has more time to save for retirement, I’m older than him. This dating issue seems to represent this fear in my head. How do I find my way through this?
 
Older, But No Wiser
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Hey Annie:
 
I am a polyamorous man in a committed relationship with my primary partner, a woman, for 5 years. We have been poly for almost the entire 5 years having made a choice to build that freedom to love others into our lives together. We have each had lovers, mostly short term, none longer than a year. We have shared lovers on occasion but mostly end up dating others separately.
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Question:
Hey Annie:
I just started seeing this poly girl who's been seeing her boyfriend a long time.  We've had around 3 dates, but they're mostly with him around. He's a nice guy and I like him OK, but it's kind of weird because she's pretty affectionate with him and not so much with me and I feel a little neglected. I'm new at trying this poly thing, and I think she is too, though he isn't. So I'm trying to be open minded about it, and I'm not freaking out, but I feel a little funny, and I'm not sure if this is normal or a sign I should call it off. What gives? Is it normal that all our dates are with him around?
- A (Poly?) Guy With a (Poly?) Girl Read more »

I started questioning my sexuality shortly after coming out as polyamorous. I not only wondered about whether or not I was attracted to females, but whether I truly identified as female. Read more »